I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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