dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
