we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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