There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
