i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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