can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i came on her dog
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Randomize
