why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
