Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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