A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just forgot I was standing up.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
