Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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