so explain again why im purple
no
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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