My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
