if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
