i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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