The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
