I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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