Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
