I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
