Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
