I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
