you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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