So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize