paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
