i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
