he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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