dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
