Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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