this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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