I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
