So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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