I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
