The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
