I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
