wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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