I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
