the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
