Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
