I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
