He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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