Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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