so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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