I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
