It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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