you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
