i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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