My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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