so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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