wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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