ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
