Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
