i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Randomize
