Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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