Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
