you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
