I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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