I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize