He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize