1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
