It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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