You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I am one with the molecules
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
