Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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