I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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