Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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