I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
