I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I have fence marks all over my body
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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