shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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