i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize